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Ashes and Wine - A Fine Frenzy |
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Don't know what to do anymore
I've lost the only love worth fighting for
I'll drown in my tear storming sea,
That would show you, that would make you hurt like me
Last Christmas was different. The apartment was filled with decorations and the tree stood proudly in the corner, decked out in every single cheap dollar store tchotchke she could find. There were never many presents under the tree, only one necklace. Only one Christmas spent in the company of another. These Vegas nights were lonely. The depression that had threatened to devour her since the first love of her life passed on so many years before had taken her over - the protective shield around her heart blocked everyone out. Even her.
All the same
I don't want mudslinging games
It's such a shame
To let you walk away
Last Christmas, she held a new beginning in her arms. There was no one to blame for why they had fallen apart. Two broken, dysfunctional people trying to forge a partnership. The one woman that was able to let her love again was again blocked out by a self-preservation technique perfected by years of women pretending to love her, then break her heart. Two women were able to break through - and they were both lost. There was nothing left for her here.
Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may change your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?
The Christmas decorations had been boxed up and collected by the Salvation Army a couple hours ago. The furtniture had been given to the other residents of the complex. Her landlord got her kitchen stuff. The clothes fit in one suitcase. It would be too much trouble to travel with all of it all over again, especially overseas. She was to report to the Watchers' Council. They wanted to allow her back in, after all these years. The news shocked her. It was like a light shone on her again. It was a purpose. It could end up being a disaster again. She could end up in her flat, cradling a bottle of wine all over again. She could risk it, though. Death was not an option anymore - unless D'Hoffyrn found out about her defection. If the Council found her a Slayer who could live forever like they promised, then she would be happy. If D'Hoffyrn found her first and took away her immortality - or even killed her - then she would be content to die. She had loved two women with all her heart and soul and that was enough.
Don't know if our fate's already sealed
This day's spinning surface on a wheel
I'm ill with the thought of your kiss
Coffee laced intoxicating on her lips
The good times were wonderful, she thought as she gazed out the window. God, it was amazingly ironic that one woman could bring back her humanity. It was her love that allowed her to open her heart to the new job, to turn her back on D'Hoffyrn. The feel of her skin against Mallory's reminded her of her human outside, the casing that surrounded the demon enclosed. Love was a human emotion, blocked by the animalistic lust that had been part of the crust around her soul. Mallory was the balance, the only woman thus far who could look at each side of her, demon and human, and love them both equally. Alicia didn't know if she would find someone like her anymore - and she knew that she finally had to let her go.
Shut it out
I've got no claim on you now
Not allowed to wear your freedom down
She remembered the love triangle with a bittersweet smile. They could all have her now, those admirers of her red hair beauty. She threw up her white flag. Maybe she wasn't strong enough to keep her. The lure of the night, those darker than she, must have been too intoxicating.
Maybe it was just time. People drifted apart.
She couldn't blame her depression fully. The depression took hold of her, deadened her to the outside world, but the lure of her inner world was not the only obstacle.
There were probably plenty of reasons.
Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may change your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?
The taxi honked, startling out of her reverie. A final survey of the now empty apartment brought tears to her eyes. This chapter of her life was finished. The new resident was due to move in soon, a newlywed couple who came here to marry and decided to stay. She knew, somehow, that they would soon follow her out of the apartment, like the rest of the tenants before and after her. All with their own stories. She wondered who would remember hers. The story of the beauty and the beast and the human who brought her back together.
~*~
I'll tear myself away
That is what you need
There is nothing left to say
But...
The taxi stopped in front of the last known residence she knew Mallory lived at. Hopefully some good person would pass it on if she was no longer here. She stood at Mallory's door and brought her arm up to knock. Bringing her arm down, she shook her head. No need to reopen old wounds that were in the process of healing. The paths had diverged. The fire was out. Still...
Alicia placed a small package in the mailbox, tied with ribbon. There was a card inside, with her name, her new address, and a short letter telling her where she was going. Below the letter was a brushed nickle pendant with a rose engraved in the middle. On the back of the pendant were the words "Thank you. ADW."
She climbed back in the taxi, watching as the man grumbled because she had him going out of his way. It was worth every penny. In mere hours, she would be flying across the country to a new chapter in her life.
She was closing the book, moving on from this dusty old town and the city of lights.
That didn't mean she wasn't allowed to leave a bookmark in it.
Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may change your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?
The day's still ashes and wine
Or are we ashes?
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