| [ |
mood |
| |
 weird |
] |
[[Non Journal Entry]]
In order to live you first had to learn what dying felt like. How death crept in, digging itself deep into bone, hollowing out your heart and soul - dragging the warmth from both - leaving nothing but an empty shell behind. Joseph couldn’t count how many times he’d come close, had felt the cold embrace and tasted stale air; it wasn’t something he could forget, no matter how many times he’d tasted the fresh air of a living day.
Now he was dealing with vampires, creatures’ long time dead and soulless. He doubted any of them even so much as shed a tear for the people fallen at their hands. They were at the heart of Vegas’ corruption, feeding off people’s greed and exploiting their blind desires. Ben had fallen into their hands; entangled in the webs and hung by the length of rope he’d given them the day he had agreed to push their drugs.
Joseph, he could appreciate the smarts of vampires. He really could.
They weren’t rampaging on the streets, leaving dead bodies in their wake. No. That would garner too much attention. They worked their way into society through its recreation and self destructive ends, relying on humanity to do their dirty work for them. It was almost disturbing how smart the things of nightmares could be. Evolution, it was inevitable and the only smart thing to do if they wished to live past their predetermined expiry date.
Not that it helped him much; he was human and lacking in many areas that they had advantages in. Far from stupid, Joseph would not risk both head and neck in a fruitless endeavour. Not that Ben had long left, not if what he felt in his gut was anything to go on. Rushing wouldn’t solve anything and more than likely ensure Ben’s untimely death at adolescence, and that wasn’t an option.
He toyed with a pistol, contemplating the bullets with a thoughtful expression. They’d slow them down, sure, but they wouldn’t kill them. These were things that could not be killed with firepower, had to be brute strength. He’d killed men with his bare hands, gorged out eyes, stripped away flesh and bloodied skin, but he’d never… vampires were not his strength, humanity was.
Joseph pushed away from the table and paced his apartment, body bare from the waist up and skin rippling with every frustrated breath he expelled from a chest that tightened, scar tissue bunching up along his neck and bringing about a headache. He clasped the back of his neck and tipped his head back, exhaling and opening his eyes, regarding the ceiling like it held all the answers that he needed.
He glanced at his phone, recalling Rhiannon’s message and he was beginning to count the seconds and minutes. Joseph supposed he needed the break, a chance to be Joseph and not a man sent on a mission after a wayward son that should have learned his lesson after the first three times; how many more times would he have to save the kid from himself?
Vices, they were the only things keeping Joseph sane and from climbing the walls.
One cigarette later and Joseph was able to push thoughts to one side, able to be in the moment. He would need to ready himself for the alternative, to the idea that when he got to Ben it would be too late and then he’d have to break the news to Becky. God, he hated delivering bad news. But until he knew for certain he would continue to work under the assumption that Ben was alive, hurting, but alive. It was the only way he’d be able to do what needed to be done.
He stubbed out a cigarette and snatched up the gun, cocking his head to one side as he reloaded the clip and he felt the weight of the gun in his hand. No gun ever felt the same and Joseph had spent his life familiarising himself with each and every one, learning it until he had an intimate knowledge of how it worked. Scarily his guns often became an extension of himself, something he used and wielded like he’d been born to do just that.
Joseph trailed through his apartment to his bathroom, resting the gun on the sink before he reached in and switched the shower on. The water beat the ground for a couple minutes before Joseph stepped beneath it, just leaning into it and opening his mouth to taste the clean water; it felt like ruin and redemption at the same time.
He closed his eyes and let it wash over him.
|