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Birthright

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Snootchie Bootchies? [05 Oct 2007|12:02am]
“For the last time, I don’t want that part!”

Jaclyn Anderson threw a pillow across her trailer, sighing as it smashed against her mirror and fell to the floor. If she held onto her cell phone any tighter, it would probably break – which, considering what her agent was offering her right now, might not have been such a bad thing.

“For starters,” the actress said, checking her watch to make sure this talk wouldn’t make her late for the day’s filming, “I’ve read the script. Complete horse shit. Who told that Smith guy he could write, anyway? Hell, I could create a pair of stoners that run around after pussy and say stupid shit like ‘snootchie bootchies!’ I am not doing one of his movies!

Especially if that Milano bitch is in it!”

Jaclyn had worked with Alyssa Milano once before – on some old made-for-TV movie she didn’t even remember the name of – and she’d never met such a vicious, spiteful woman. Every time the script was changed, Alyssa took issue with it. Hell, at one point, she argued for three hours with the director over the placement of the word “the.”

Bitch held up filming for half the day because of her stupid hang-ups with the English language.

On-screen, their characters were passionate lovers, but once “CUT!” resonated through the set, lips parted and fingernails scratched without mercy. Jaclyn hated Alyssa and the feeling was returned ten-fold – and Jaclyn was so relieved when her agent called her one day with a weekly TV drama offer.

So, in season two of Birthright: the Series, in popped Jaclyn and her character, uber-bitch lawyer Jillian Andersen. It was an easy part to play, considering how fresh Jaclyn’s memories of Alyssa Milano were. Every time she needed to be extra bitchy, she just thought of her former co-star.

“Look, I’m up to my as in this shit as it is … the writers are taking my character in a completely new direction and they never once asked for my input! I mean, I get here and they’ve got me being this really vicious bitch with a taste of the underworld and that was great. Then I’m in love with some emo guy and I’m not so bitchy anymore. Now I’m all bitchy again, running around chasing after some Christian Bale look-alike.

“Now I’m sorry, but the only Bale-chasing I’m doing is after the real deal. These writers have no clue what they’re doing, and it’s starting to show. It’s not just my character, either; a few of the new ones are really hard to grasp.

“What do you mean, what are you supposed to tell Smith? Tell him I’m not doing the fucking movie! I’m never working with Alyssa Milano again, and I will do a sex tape with Paris Hilton before I so much as think of kissing Jason Mewes!

“Yeah, whatever. Call me when you have something good.”

Jaclyn tossed the cell phone onto her bed, sighing again as she stared at herself in the mirror. She didn’t much care for the pale look, but it was required for her character; writers kept hinting they’d make her a vampire one day and frankly, she wished they’d just go ahead and do it.

Anything to give Jill a little direction.
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Cheap Shot [05 Oct 2007|12:48am]
“You wanted to see me, Miss Blackman?”

Sandra nodded with a polite smile. “Yeah,” she said, closing the script she’d been reading and pulling her blonde hair into a ponytail. “Wanted to talk to you about my character.”

Theodore Leverett was a young writer, one of those enthusiastic sorts clamoring for his big break in the biz. After a studio picked up his screenplay about a young boy who grew up with the desire to be the world’s fastest track star – only to wind up in a wheelchair due to a degenerative disease, he got a chance to pen a script for Birthright: the Series.

The episode in question, season 3’s “Doing Favors,” earned Ted a staff job and he responded by creating a large plot for Sandra’s character, one he said would elicit personal growth and change within Samantha Blanchard.

But whenever Sandra read a script revolving around her plot, she saw her personal demons staring her in the face. At first, she didn’t think much of it; the only reason she saw the similarity was because she’d done a little time before getting back into acting and here was a story in which her character would wind up in jail.

But the deeper Ted took this, the less and less coincidental this became. And the less Sandra liked it.

Ted’s brow furrowed. “Everything okay?”

Sandra sighed, trying to be as civil and reserved about this as possible. “No,” she said. “I’m thinking you’re writing a little too much me into Samantha.”

Opening the script in her lap, Sandra turned to a page before pointing to a selection of highlighted text, showing it to the young writer. “Since when did marijuana possession become a part of this? Samantha’s in jail because Grace framed her for the murder of that Pennsylvania guy who raised her son. Not only does the pot make no sense in terms of the story, it hits a little close to home.”

Four years ago, when Sandra was still doing soap operas, she was pulled over one night by Los Angeles police. She’d been swerving on the road and her speed was erratic; at first, the officer thought she’d been drinking. But once Sandra rolled the window down and the officer smelled the smoke and saw the bloodshot look in her eyes, he knew she was high on the weed.

Once she was at the station, being booked for driving under the influence, officers radioed in a car crash in Santa Monica with one fatality. What weed Sandra didn’t smoke before leaving the bar that night had been given to a young man, probably about 19, who then sold it to a woman named Suzanne.

Suzanne was killed in the crash, police saying they thought she’d been driving while high.

So though she didn’t kill Suzanne – and a judge later determined the man who sold her the weed was liable instead of Sandra – the actress felt guilty. She served three months in jail for her DUI and marijuana possession, and even now that she’d resurrected her career with her portrayal of detective-vampire slayer Samantha Blanchard on Birthright: the Series, Sandra still felt guilty every day.

And she didn’t appreciate seeing reminders in her scripts.

Ted again furrowed his brow, pushing his thick glasses higher on his nose. “That’s impossible,” he said in a nervous, defensive tone. “I’m … just writing.”

Sandra sighed. “Are you? Cause it looks like you logged on to TMZ.com, jotted down everything I ever did and worked it all into this story. I’m fine with Samantha having a kid, I’m fine with Samantha being framed for Gerald’s murder, I’m fine with Grace being the one framing her.

“But the pot? Story-wise, it’s unnecessary and it’s a cheap shot at me. I know you know what happened to me. Everyone knows. For three months it was like I was Paris Hilton – minus the sex tape and the whole being famous for no reason thing. Everyone knew who I was and what I’d done. Some said I’d never work again.”

Ted’s eyes were wide, as if Sandra was holding him at gun-point. She may have indirectly caused someone’s death that night four years earlier, but Sandra would never actually kill someone – though the look on the writer’s face said different. “I … see, it … I just thought, you know, ratings and … show the younger viewers that drugs are … you know, bad …”

Sandra nodded once, sucking in her bottom lip. She scratched her chin, shaking her head. “First of all,” she said, “the ratings since I joined this show have doubled. Ratings aren’t a problem – so I’m told. And telling kids drugs are bad? Haven’t you seen the PSAs I’ve been doing the past three years? They’re all over NBC – debuted in the third season of Heroes.

“Trust me, Mr. Leverett, I’m aware of what drugs are, and I’ve been telling anyone who’ll listen that for the past four years. Keep the plot going, but I want the marijuana gone.

“Jesus fucking Christ, you’re better than that.”
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Film Play [05 Oct 2007|01:42pm]
Jo was on her belly in the graveyard, the sand and grass tickling and poking where her shirt rode up to expose pale flesh between hem and waistband. She was waiting for a tip to bear fruit, a newly buried kid was supposed to rise into a newly made monster.

She didn't have too long to wait, the earth alongside her shifted as the new vampire made its way out of the coffin and through the dirt and sand to rise for its first hunt. Little did it know it would be the prey rather than the predator. She smirked faintly to herself, acknowledging privately that she truly hated her calling as she got to her feet and brushed her clothing off.

It didn't matter, it wasn't anything she could change now. The monster was on its feet and looking at her like she was the last woman left in the world and they needed to repopulate now. She beckoned with one hand and a half smile, the other hand held a stake hidden along her thigh.

Purity on the other hand just enjoyed the peace and almost eerie sense she got from walking around the graveyard. Some nights she would lie down, read a book, or write in her book of shadows. It was almost a sanctuary to the witch. Somewhere she felt comfortable and at one with her surroundings. That was hard to find in Las Vegas.

What surprised her though wasn't the snarling vampire just twenty feet away, but the blonde just standing waiting on it. What was Jo doing? Purity decided to keep her distance, she would find out what was happening and if the Slayer needed a hand then she'd give it.

No sense on interrupting the blonde’s plans for no reason. A pissed of Slayer wasn't something Purity had on her ‘I Want’ list. So she moved slowly, letting her feet carry her carefully forward until she stopped to rest her hip against a gravestone. ‘Here lies a respected member of society and loving Father, Charles Watkin’. Purity doubted he was respectable but kept the snort to herself.

Jo set herself just as the vampire lunged and found herself caught by surprise. She'd always known the bastards were strong, but this one was more so than usual, perhaps because he'd been a football player in life. She grunted as she grappled with him and shoved him off, "Come on you shit, give me something to work with here."

The vamp did as he was told and swung at her very competently, smashing her in the face and causing her lip to split violently. He did it a second time and now her eye was going to swell shut. She snarled her fury at this and threw a kick that tipped the bastard over, not that it kept him down but it gave her a chance to get her bearings back.

He came at the Slayer again and this time she was ready with a left hook to the nose and a straight right to the chest. The vampire snarled in surprised pain and bared his fangs and the blonde resisted the urge to call him Lumpy. Instead, she just kicked him in the knee and smiled sweetly through her bloodied mouth when the resulting crunch caused a howl to ring through the graves. She leapt on his abruptly prone form with the stake poised for the kill.

Purity saw the Slayer get tackled, and then punched. That was enough to cause her to start running over. Her feet getting her close enough to see that her lip was split. The witch grit her teeth. Son of a bitch. What was Jo thinking, acting all reckless like that? The witch sprinted the rest of the distance, her mouth opened to say something to Jo as the woman prepared to plunge the stake into the vampire’s heart.

Her hand reached out towards Jo and…
Scare The Soul Out Of Me! )

Welcome To The Improv Comedy Hour! )
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Entertainment Tonight! [05 Oct 2007|08:18pm]
Excerpt From Episode Transcript
Air Date: October 5, 2011


Hart: Hello, everybody, I’m Mary Hart.

Steines: And I’m Mark Steines. Welcome to Entertainment Tonight!

Hart: This just in! Is Anna-Nicole Smith alive? New photos have surfaced in the Bahamas, showing a sunbathing blonde that bears a striking resemblance to the infamous plus-size model. Is it just a hoax? Later on in the show, friends and family speak out about the photos and what they could mean for custody of Smith’s daughter.

Steines: Also, we have the first television interview with CSI: Toronto star Joshua Jackson. He’s back on the set after a near-fatal boating accident last Spring. We’ll show you the exclusive behind-the-scenes footage.

Hart: But first, scandalous photos of Birthright actress Anna Finn have leaked onto the internet. The images show the actress posing nude for a series of racy Polaroids. They appear to have been taken on set. A representative for the actress has confirmed that the photographs are real.

Hart: The pictures surfaced just after writer Mickey Rubles reportedly quit the series. OZTv executives wouldn’t comment, but a source close to Rubles told ET that the up-and-coming writer received an offer to work for rival network FX’s supernatural hit, Wraith. The source also indicated that Rubles might’ve released the photos himself.

Hart: Amidst rumors of romantic involvement between Finn and Rubles, ET tracked down the writer outside the Bellagio resort in Las Vegas. It was four o’clock in the morning before Rubles got back to his hotel suite.

Paparazzi: Mickey... Mickey! Where’d you get the pictures of Anna?

Rubles: What?

Paparazzi: Where’d you get the pictures of Anna?

Rubles: Nah... nah... ask Anna why she gave them to me.

Steines: Our ET reporters took a look at the actress’s resume. It includes a string of local commercials early in her career, a contract to promote Thighmaster exercise equipment, and a stint working at a Hooters restaurant in Los Angeles, where she was reportedly recruited to audition for the role of waitress Hannah Flynn on Birthright. Ms. Finn wasn’t available for comment.
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Visiting [05 Oct 2007|09:51pm]
"Bear! Get off the couch! Bad puppy!" Julianna Sanders scolded the black lab, which looked at her with sad eyes as if to say What? The couch is comfortable mom. You sit on it, why can't I?. The actress was unrepentant and dragged the dog off the couch. "You know better than that, Bear. C'mon, get off."

Unlike most of her cast mates, Julianna did not live in Searchlight while shooting Birthright: The Series. Sure she had a trailer on the lot that she hung out at in between scenes, but the town was just too small for her needs.

Instead, the young actress had bought a house in Henderson. A house in a decent middle class neighborhood with plenty of young families. It was important to her that Annie have other kids her own age to play with, especially with her hours on the set. She was determined that her daughter have a normal life away from the craziness of Hollywood and the self destructive lifestyle that Julianna's ex pursued there.

It helped that Henderson's school system was excellent and that she'd gotten Annie into a fantastic preschool.

In many ways the show had been a life saver: this had been the first series she'd been in that had actually gone anywhere. Her financial situation had been dire before she'd landed a part on the hit show at the start of its second season, coming so soon after her divorce. Julianna had been days away from packing up and moving back with her parents in Missouri and putting that college education to use in something other than acting.

Now she could pursue what she loved, and had made several close friends among the cast and crew in the past two years.

Pigtails and Braces )
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