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So...
I went back in time.
There. I've said written it. I did the whole cowgirl thing - 'cept I didn't, 'cause of the whole women-still-in-bondage stuff.
Not that I mind that, but... Y'know. Not the fun kind of bondage.
Oh, yeah, almost forgot. Some little guy with a taste for hats tagged along, too. Called 'Whistler'.
And, um... Yeah. From the underworld and all.
Let's take stock, shall we? In the last few months, I've...
(A) Met a witch, minus broomstick.
(B) Managed to succumb to some kind of Voodoo whicky-whack with the same, trashing a very expensive hotel in the process and doing God-knows-what with anyone who worked in there.
(C) Met a vampire. Yes! A vampire, boys and girls! With the blood and the fangs and bats and all! Well, maybe not the bats. Gotta' ask.
(D) Made like a DeLorean. See above. Fate decided to have me dressed like a nun during that, by the way. Go figure.
(E) Discovered Star isn't returning my calls. Not returning anyone's, actually. Heard the police got called in and stuff. Yeesh... I liked her. Seriously. Dead? Maybe, which brings me onto...
(F) Witnessed the sight of my driver laying dead on the car, got attacked and almost raped by a gang of undead fangy things and discovered my condition's got a fucking 2.0 upgrade!!! Sweet baby Buddha! Hey, it kinda' saved my neck, but... Damn. Worried much? Uh-huh! What if I, like, get to my thirtieth and... You know. What if I've turned into some big ole' crab monster or something?
(G) Received about ninety-billion E-mails asking me if I want to enlarge my penis. Yeah, sure... Right. Enlarge someone else's, maybe...
So, all in all, kind of a hectic schedule, wouldn't you say? I know I would. Have. Whatever. Sort of makes me wonder if Mariah Carey had half of this stuff to think about.
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