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This World [25 Oct 2004|12:30am] [ mood | thoughtful ] Have you ever wondered what would happen if the world stopped spinning? If your heart stopped beating? Morbid thought, isn't it? But eventually, we all have to face our own mortality. Life is just a clock that keeps ticking. With every day that passes, the hand gets further and further around until it's our time. Our time to say goodbye, it comes for all of us and for some of us, death is only the beginning. Everytime I play with my own life and the lives of others. I get a little bit closer to understanding what it is to be truly alive. Everytime I cut myself, I get that much closer to unraveling the thing that holds us together. Blood, muscle, tissue and bone. It can bleed, it can tear, it can disintegrate and it can break. We are only as strong as we lead ourselves to believe. Our bodies can only do so much; sometimes our minds must carry on the journey. Mind over matter ladies and gentleman. If you haven't got it upstairs, you aren't going to be successful and you aren't going to get anywhere. I like to take risks when it comes to myself. I really have little to no regard for my own well-being or safety. I experiment and I hurt myself, I do this to better understand what being alive means. I hurt, I cry and I laugh. I'm like everyone else in a way but not. I've always been complicated, ever since I was born. I was complicated; mother struggled with me and father? He ignored me until I was old enough to formulate words. Good parenting skills weren't something my parents possessed. I never did care for them but what makes me think about life, death and my parents? I don't even know, just random thoughts circling my mind and I felt the need to write them down. On another note, I have things to do, places to be and people to see so I bid you adieu. reply

out for a stroll [25 Oct 2004|12:34am] [ mood | calm ] It was a chilly night, not that Gwen would have noticed anyway. Her mind on other things, she took her usual nightly walk through the streets, just trying to clear her mind. Her attire was fairly typical: baggy camo cargo jeans, clunky black combat boots, a tight Atreyu baby tee, and a black choker. Across her back was slung her wood-inlayed Excalibur replica. She walked absently, barely paying attention to her surroundings. Connor was out for a brief walk. Dawn was still asleep, thanks to medication, and he was headed out to go get himself some pain meds of his own. He'd really managed to fuck up his hand when he'd punched the tree the other night. He wasn't sure if it was broken or not, but it hurt like a son of a bitch, and it wasn't the right size or color. So far, Dawn had managed not to see it, and he was hoping to keep that up. He peeked under the bandage wrapped around his knuckles and frowned at the bone showing through the skin. He'd been hurt worse, that was for sure, but if he knew his girlfriend, she was going to freak on him about it. So...painkillers. He took in a deep breath of the night air, a light smile on his lips as he walked. He was in a good mood, despite hurt hand issues. He slowed when he sensed movement across the street, and cocked his head to the side, recognizing Gwen more by the scent of her that was carried over by the chilly breeze than by sight. Gwen leaned against a nearby wall, reaching into her pocket and producing a slightly bent cigarette. Resting it between her lips, she leaned in and lit it quickly, sighing to herself as sh stared at the sky. Connor headed in her direction. May as well say hi, even if the Slayer did have a habit of saying the strangest things... "Hey," he said as he neared, nodding at her. Gwen slowly turned her head, a lazy, almost movie-like gesture, and raised an eyebrow. "Hey... s'happening, Connor?" She gave a somewhat forced smile, offering her cig. "Want a hit?" ( talking ) Gwen nodded, and gave another smile... still forced, but more natural than earlier. "I appreciate that. I like you guys. I feel almost... ALMOST.... like I belong when I'm with you two. So yeah. I'll be by more often. But for now? You. Hospital. Now. Amscray. I'll watch Dawn." Connor gave her another little grin, and a very clumsy salute, what with his dominant hand being all broken-like. "Aye, sir." he teased lightly. He turned to head back for his bike, but stopped, looking at her over his shoulder. "I like you too, Gwen, and it's me. That's sayin something. I don't like many people either. And...I owe ya one." he headed off. reply

[25 Oct 2004|02:03am] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved ] ( Bar Talk and An Agreement ) I probably shouldn't have taken off so fast, but I suddenly felt a really random need to be out in the open air. I walked for a long time after dropping the bike at the house. I ended up out by the caves and mines. Interesting, I'm not particularly sensitive, but my little bit of magical ability apparently allows me to feel the power of this place. I sat on the rocks for a long time, watching the natural and not so natural worlds collide. I was able to avoid fighting anything nasty tonight, which is good. I wasn't in the mood. I do however, look forward to speaking with Hayden more in the future. reply

Little Annoyances [25 Oct 2004|02:32am] [ mood | beaten ] So.. Andi returned my truck to me. I thanked her, and promptly went out to Vegas. Claire will be glad to have her bike back full time, I'm sure. In Vegas, I hit the casinos and watched the people and demons. The humans weren't even aware there was danger in their midst. Well, they were.. but it was the danger of losing all their money that converned them. As I strolled the streets, I felt someone following me. I watched but I couldn't see anyone at all. Finally, I just stopped and turned around.. Jo paused, turning to look behind her. There, only a few paces back, was a blonde woman. Dressed in low riding jeans that were loose around her legs, a black, button down linen shirt, a thigh length leather jacket that matched Jo's own almost perfectly and a pair of loafers that were incongruous with the rest of the outfit, the blonde didn't stick out in a crowd. She looked much like the rest of the people on the streets, but there was a darkness to her face and a dark light in her eyes that gave her away. Even if Jo hadn't been a Slayer, she would have known this woman didn't belong. But she was, and her senses screamed Vampire! Dyan watched as the Slayer took her in, admiring the time she'd lasted before turning to see what was following her. She could tell the woman knew what she was, and advanced a step, smiling faintly. She kept her human face, scenting the Slayer slowly. She assessed the way the blonde woman moved, and figured she'd been badly injured sometime in the recent past. It was obvious. She advanced another pair of steps, her loafers making no noise against the concrete. People around them were oblivious to the scene just begining to unfold, and Dyan liked it that way. Jo watched the vampire move towards her, and her hands went into the jacket pockets. She was wearing faded, close fitting black jeans, a loose t-shirt and her jacket. Heavy boots and a baseball cap completed the look for her. Fingers wrapped around a stake, though she didn't really think this one would be stupid enough to attack her in public, with tourists milling around like they were. She appeared to be much older than most of what she'd been killing in the area on her patrols, and she smiled faintly, not speaking. ( Confrontation ) Jo cried out softly, but it was muffled by the vampire's hand over her mouth as fangs sunk in. She struggled, managing to escapre before loosing too much blood. She groaned softly, knowing tonight was not the time to die, nor to get so injured she couldn't escape, and she ran. Literally for her life. She jumped into the truck and fired up the engine, gunning it once to let people know she was in a hurry before she sped away into the night. Dyan let Jo go with a slow smile, a smart one. The taste was just enough to whet her appetite though and she hunted. The morning fell on a series of dead bodies, only one drained. All were mutilated and looking as though they'd spent a busy evening being submissive in a bondage club. reply

[25 Oct 2004|03:36am] Coming down with another case of 'stir crazy,' Dawn decided to take a break from research and slipped out of the duplex while all was peaceful. It was a rather pleasant early evening, the arriving sunset causing Dawn to pause and admire the myriad colors in the sky. She smiled softly, but then she couldn't help herself. Lately she had been in a surprisingly good mood despite her state and she knew very well who was responsible for that. Still, gotta be careful when out alone. Her stitches had been taken out not long ago and that side was still tender, so Dawn had to be careful not to aggravate it. Rhiannon used her hip to push through the door of the local grocery store. A group of plastic bags dangled from each hand, bumping lightly against her legs as she stepped onto the sidewalk. She turned in the direction of her apartment and began to walk. About a block from her, a familiar figure was heading in her direction, looking awfully fascinated with the sunset. Rhiannon slowed her steps. "Hey, Dawn," she called. ( Dawn goes for a walk and bumps into Rhiannon ) Rhiannon looked towards the horizon. "Yeah, it's getting dark. Maybe I should've walked you home instead." She winked and headed towards the door, glancing over her shoulder. "Good thing you could piss from one end of town to the other. See you later." Dawn shook her head and flashed a smile, unconcerned. "If I couldn't defend myself, I wouldn't be out here. Home isn't that far anyway, so no need to worry. Have a good night!" Waving, she turned to head back down the street at a leisurely pace. There was still some light left and she wanted to savor the quiet before nightfall. reply

What More? [25 Oct 2004|03:57am] [ mood | distressed ] Tristan paced back and forth inside his lair. He was barefoot, but he didn't feel the cold, hard floors. He was numb to his environment. The only thing that mattered was his inner turmoil. Vampires were not human. Gone was the man that Tristan used to be, the boy that was born over a hundred years ago. The boy that was belittled and cursed and abused by his mother, and abandoned by his father. The boy that ran away, learning how to live on the streets by stealing and fighting just to survive. The boy that grew up street wise and cocky, a hard working and hard drinking dock laborer. That boy, turned young man, was gone. His soul was displaced by that of the vampire. His breath vanished, his heart beat silenced, a black, hard coldness the only thing left behind. Except, that wasn't true. As the man before, Tristan the vampire still hurt. Tristan, the vampire, could still feel. Tristan, the vampire, was still alone. Always alone. He yearned for more. He yearned for completion. He yearned for oneness. He yearned for that other half to fill him up. Tristan, the boy, still yearned for approval. All of this turmoil that churned inside of him was the reason he could not let go. He could not let her go, his Rhiannon. She completed him. She took away the lonliness and the pain and the rejection, even if it was only for that one moment. They were partners, destined to be. Why couldn't she see that? He had tried. Oh, had he tried. First he gave of himself to her, a tender embrace and then a moment of passion. Then he had given her distance, waiting for her to come to him. And she did come. Then, and only then, did she beg for it. In his mind, that's why she was there. She had wanted him, wanted to be like him, and so he had tried. Now, his blood pumped in her veins, and they were on the verge of oneness. Still, he gave her space. He gave her gifts. He gave her blood. What more could he do? reply

And in doing so, you may have entertained angels in disguise... [25 Oct 2004|03:45pm] [ mood | amused ] The two men stood on a hill, over looking the small town a few miles away. For a few moments, neither one moved. They watched as the sun started to rise from behind the horizon, and the warm morning wind blew gently against their faces. The calm of the day was now upon them, and neither one wished to disturb it. Finally, the shorter of the two men spoke. ( A city on a Hill... ) reply

Normality [25 Oct 2004|07:53pm] [ mood | apathetic ] Life is pretty normal or as normal as it gets in these parts. I wake up in the morning and I go to work. I spend a few hours doing what I'm supposed to do and I smile so much, my face hurts. I go home. I clean up and I hunt. I kill a few vampires and I go home to Eddy and then I take a shower and I go to bed. And then everything begins all over again. It's always the same, it never seems to change. I know I should be happy that it doesn't but sometimes a little change is good. Not entirely sure what my mood is, maybe a little apathetic and disillusioned? Yeah, that works. I really need to get out of being in this mood, it's unnatural. Especially for me. I'm beginning to think it's outside influence, it's always been this way. When anyone I've cared about has been feeling down or upset, I've always felt strange and not quite right. Makes me wonder about home and about the strange phonecall I had with my brother and mother. I just wish I could get past feeling like crap. Doesn't make life any easier. Think maybe I'll take Hayden up on that offer of his. It'll be nice to see him and at least I'll have some company and the very good kind of company at that. I wonder if Hayden would mind if I brought Eddy with me? Dog won't leave my side at the moment. Makes going to work very difficult that's for sure. Keep sleepwalking. Sleptwalked right into the door the other day. Got a nice bruised forehead because of it. Go me. reply

Fun with Flashbacks and Randy Roommates [25 Oct 2004|09:29pm] [ mood | weird ] Aidan sat staring at the wooden top of the table he built, not really seeing the smooth wooden surface or the plate of lasagna before him. Emmy had made three huge pans of it the week before and ended up freezing all three, including the non-meat version she had made for Aidan. He had reheated it that evening and scooped out a heaping portion, only to let it grow cold sitting in front of him, fork in hand. Every time he tried to do something, anything at all, normal daily routine stuff, he'd find himself once again frozen in memory. --------- ( Ma ) ----------- He was startled out of his own memory when the fork he had been holding dropped from his hand and onto the untouched plate before him. Emmy, standing across the room on a rickety stepladder, glanced back at him. "Something wrong?" she asked, voice taking on a strange, velvety quality. She had been doing that a lot lately. Maybe trying out a new accent. "I promise, Aidan, there is no meat in that at all. Just lots of mushrooms and extra ricotta cheese. I made it special, just for you." She gave him a very warm smile, and Aidan couldn't help but smile back. "No, it's great, Em, really great," he told her. Emmy chuckled, turning back to the task at hand. There was a jar of pennies she had been saving, placed high atop the wall-mounted cabinets in the kitchen. She needed it down and had went and gotten the stepladder while Aidan was lost in thought. "How would you know? I've been watching. You haven't even tasted it." Aidan didn't respond, only watched his housemate and employer with no small level of curiosity. She had been different lately. For one, the manner of dress. If he didn't know better, he'd think her skirts had been getting shorter with each day. The one she was just then was black plaid, pleated, and very short. She stood on the stool on one foot, the other leg extended out behind her for balance as she reached forward to try and grab the jar she needed. Aidan's brain once again took a vacation as he granted himself a moment to watch her. She had a tattoo on one of her ankles, the leg stretched out behind her. Lush green leaves of ivy circling the ankle and trailing up her calf. It seemed almost... too much... for a girl like Emmeline. "Be a dear and give me a hand, would you?" Emmy called to him sweetly. Automatically, Aidan rose to his feet. "Sure. What do you need?" Emmy cast him a smile and a wink over her shoulder. "I don't feel particularly safe on this ladder. Would you do me the favor of grabbing a hold so I don't fall off? I need to get these down, I've had a thought to use them in a lesson with Mich." "Uh, sure," Aidan replied, moving towards her and then stopping short in one step. "Um... so what am I grabbing? The ladder?" Emmy laughed. "No, silly. Me. Just grab ahold ‘round my waist and keep me steady." Aidan did as asked, at once regretting his decision. He hadn't noticed the flimsy top Emmy was wearing; it looked more like a camisole than anything to be worn out. It lifted at her mid-section and he found his hands grasping at her bare skin with only a faint brush of the silk of her shirt. He swallowed hard and pretended not to notice how hot to the touch she was, or see the glint of light off a platinum ring in her navel that he had never known was there. Emmy chuckled lightly. "Your hands are so cold," she told him softly. "We'll have to warm them up for you." She stepped back slowly, keeping her balance and staying careful not to break from Aidan's grasp until she reached the ground. Even then she held steady for a moment, jar in hands, until he blinked and let her go. "Thank you," she told him, and then glanced up at the cabinet. "Oh. Hell. I forgot the lid up there." She moved to go back up the ladder. Aidan put an arm out. "No, just hang on, I'll get it." He hurried up the ladder and searched blindly for the lid of the jar he had never even noticed was there. Emmy hung back for a moment, enjoying the view. He certainly is fit, she thought to herself. Funny how you don't notice such things about the people you see everyday. Her eyes drank him in, from his dark hair down the back of his blue sleeveless t-shirt, to the little peak of grey flannel boxers and his baggy jeans with frayed ends down to his dusty sneakers. She frowned. "You know Aidan, you really shouldn't wear such baggy jeans," she thought aloud. Lid in hand, he climbed down the ladder and held it out to her. "Huh?" he asked, frowning. Emmy smiled. "Oh, nothing," she replied, taking the jar top from his hand. "Thanks. I'll just go put these away." She collected the jar from the kitchen table where she had set it and left him in the kitchen to stare after her. She threw the lid out when she reached her bedroom. She hadn't really needed it at all. reply

Come then, See My Oriental Piano [25 Oct 2004|10:52pm] ( Come then, See my Oriental Piano ) reply

"Stuff." [25 Oct 2004|11:08pm] [ mood | rushed ] [ music | "Hide" by K's Choice ] ---Non-Journal Entry--- Shannan was starting to get used to the piss smell in the cab. She no longer minded the way the back seat slid around at every turn, as if detached from the body of the vehicle. Hell, she didn't even care anymore that the driver was swerving and driving like a maniac in the first place! She would not, however, get used to the driver's incessant attempts at conversation. "So, where are ya from?" He was looking up in the rearview mirror at her, not concentrating whatsoever on the road. "Clevland." Shannan answered shortly then added. "Watch out for that car." But there was hardly any point. The other car's headlights swerved out of the way, and the other driver honked the horn. Any sort of crash was averted, but Shannan's cabby didn't take his eyes away from the mirror. "What're you going to Searchlight for?" He wanted to know. "( Stuff. ) reply

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