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Counting Crows-Accidentally In Love |
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It's strange, I'm still sore and yet I couldn't feel better. I suppose that doesn't make sense, but then it doesn't have to except to me. It's my journal, after all.
At least misunderstandings have been cleared up, declarations of love made and several days spent cooped up and shamelessly enjoying that high. We both needed it and I don't mind being selfish when it comes to laying claim and making sure I'm not the only one spending sufficient time healing up. We'll need it...for more reasons than one.
//firewalled against everyone// All the times I made fun of Buffy and her relationships are coming back to haunt me right now. Of course I still feel some of that's justified, but now I can't get her back with the 'I'm not dating, so I can make fun of everyone who is' line. It's not like I never dated, I have. Just nothing serious. Seeing the horrible angst Buffy went through with Angel for starters just made me want to avoid that entirely. What on earth could be worth that much pain? And of course now I'm in love with Angel's son. I'm sure some god out there is laughing at me, but I don't care. Connor's not Angel and this isn't some angst-o-rama. Or at least it wasn't after we cleared things up.
...gods, I can't believe the first time I said I loved him, it was during a medicated haze that I barely remember! That alone makes me want to bang my head against a wall or something but no need to repeat Connor's tactic of self-injury. Still, I doubt I'll ever get over that. Or seeing the look in his eyes when he mistook me. Well, I'll be all too eager to repeat what I said as many times as he needs it. Just as long as he doesn't go punching any more trees and not telling me his hand's injured.
This has all happened so fast but I don't care. I've seen enough to know that time doesn't always matter when it comes to just knowing certain things. Such as how I feel when I'm around him, knowing that he just gets me on a level no one else does. Not even Buffy. Was it love at first sight? I don't think it happened that fast, but even so it seemed there wasn't any barrier between us to breach like there is with almost everyone else I meet.
It's a relief for those instincts to be right and know that for whatever reason karma's been nice to me lately, bestowing a boyfriend who I don't have to edit anything from and is a complete sweetheart even if I'm the only one who sees that. I don't mind, it's nice to see a side of him no one else does. Yeah, so he's very protective but I think that's adorable. Even if it means more badass points down the drain.
Now that I think on it, maybe my fourteen year old self is laughing at me too. Here I blush to think about the entries I made back then and I'm gushing worse than I ever did back in my worst spaz days. At least Connor's not here at the moment to ask what I'm blushing over, must've gone out to take care of that hand or at least I hope so. I might go out myself but doubt that will be for long. I've become far too addicted to my human pillow though I certainly won't complain. Too bad I'm still a bit too sore for more than that, though hopefully it won't be that long. I wonder if I should tell him that....we'll get to that later. In the meantime, there's frustration but oh well, I'll deal with it. I know from experience life can be a lot worse and I'm going to enjoy every second I can now. //end firewall//
Hm, time to do something about that stir-crazy feeling. Off for a walk, I need to get some fresh air and stretch these legs a bit, give the house ghosts some time to themselves and such. And after I get back, there are a few things I need to take care of...
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